Huge Update

Wow! I haven't even been on this site in over a year and a half! There are many things I have to update.

First, I am pregnant again. The due date is January 31, 2012. I am expecting a boy and am totally thrilled about it! He kicks and punches so much more than Amaya ever did and stays on my bladder. I have no names picked out. Amaya insists his name will be Flynn Rider after the guy in her favorite movie Tangled.

Second, I am going to have to change the Carter-Sutton family just to the Carter family. My lovely long termed boyfriend of 6 years got arrested. Apparently he had been receiving packages full of drugs in the mail. The Norfolk PD caught him with 65 pounds of marijuana that he had just had mailed to him from California. I knew he was a drug addict.

He has been smoking weed since he was 12 years old and is 32 now. His habit was what we fought about all the time. I can't stand the smell of weed and he was still smoking around me until my morning sickness almost made me puke on him. He had to quit smoking for a little while so his drug test would be clear and it was the hardest time of my life. Being around a 20 year addict when they do not have the drug is not safe for anyone. The mood swings were severe! One minute he would be punching stuff and screaming at me. The next minute he would be threatening to kill himself or run out of the country. He has been doing this in front of his 4 year old daughter. Once his drug test was clear, I believe he started smoking again. When you are pregnant you have a nose like a bloodhound and I have been smelling it on him! People claim that someone can't become addicted to marijuana and it is harmless. That is very false!!!!

His attorney told him that he would be going to prison right after Christmas and before the baby will be born. That means I have 10 weeks to find out what I'm going to do for the birth. My family lives 1,000+ miles away and couldn't make it to Virginia in time for the birth. I have someone here that can watch Amaya but would have to be in the delivery room by myself. I guess I will have to schedule another C-Section so my parents or brother can be here.

Last, he got us evicted from our apartment. He was having the drugs mailed to his place of employment and that is where the Norfolk PD arrested him. His former employer owns the apartment we live in and they are evicting us. He has somewhere to live but I can't handle being around him anymore. I have to find somewhere for me and Amaya to live before November 30! All the public housing places are not accepting applications anymore so we might just be homeless right before Christmas. I am just devastated that my child will not have a Christmas this year or even somewhere to hang her stocking.

The only place to go when you hit rock bottom is up. Hopefully things will turn around soon!

Living with Lilapsophobia

I haven't blogged in a really long time! It has been a busy year. This is the beginning of severe weather season and almost the 2 year anniversary of the tornado that hit my house. It is also the beginning of my crazy anxiety! I've been looking on the Internet for some kind of support group or anything to help my with my severe fear during storms. I finally found the word that I can call my phobia! It is called Lilapsophobia, or a fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

My phobia has completely taken over my life. My uneasiness started last week when I saw the 5 Day Forecast for the weather and saw that there was going to be a thunderstorm this weekend. Every night this week while lying in bed, I thought about the impending doom and destruction coming. I haven't had a full night of sleep in a week. The very first thing I do in the morning is check the weather radar on my phone. If I see any rain activity in the middle of the country I start to panic. I then turn on my computer and open up about 5 different websites for weather information. I also have 4 different Weather Apps on my phone that stay open all day. The worst thing in the world for me is if I see red on the radar. Red is my panic color. I start thinking in my mind that there is going to be a tornado that is going to kill me and my daughter even if the storm is still in Arkansas. I then start preparing my safe room by getting my mattresses,pillows, pillows and weather radio out. This could be hours before a storm even hits. My whole day is consumed by checking the weather radars and watching the weather channel. I feel so bad for my daughter because I can't focus all my attention on her! It makes it even worse when I am home alone. I am usually home all day by myself and my boyfriend has my car all day. So I am trapped at home until he gets there.

It is getting worse since I have increased my use in Twitter and Facebook and other social media. Following @TornadoAlert and @severestudios is probably not the best thing in the world for me. They give a notification of any severe weather or tornado in the country. I was able to follow the path of tornado in MS that killed 10 people through Twitter. People can also post cell phone pictures of funnel clouds and damage in real time. Not good for me at all but I HAVE to know the weather at all times.

When the rain (it doesn't even have to be a storm) almost gets here I really start getting into panic mode. I go outside and look at all the clouds to see which direction they are coming from. That way I can have an idea where a tornado will come from. I start pacing the floors and hyperventilating. Sometimes I think it is the impending storm that freaks me out a lot more than the actual storm. I start looking out every single window if I hear any noise outside at all. When the tornado hit my house in 2008 I was able to look out the window to see it before it hit my house. If there is any wind or lightening at all, you can forget about me being a normal person. I turn into a gooey emotional wreck. My panic attacks are so severe I feel like I am having a heart attack. It is like having an out of body experience because I am not myself.


It is getting so bad that even when it is sunny and I go somewhere I look around for where I would hide in case of a tornado. I won't go into certain buildings if I don't think it is safe for a tornado. I had an episode in K-Mart last year where it was storming really bad and I blacked out. I really don't know what happened! I heard the thunder and wind one minute and the next minute I woke up out of my fog with my boyfriend saying "What are you doing?" I was apparently staring at a toy without moving for a few minutes. I don't want to ever leave my house but I don't want to be in my house either. I just want to crawl into a basement until November when hurricane season is over.

I really either need to get some help or go live in an area where it doesn't rain all the time.

Snow Day

It actually snowed in Virginia yesterday! I couldn't believe that it actually stuck to the ground. It snowed a little bit last year but it only stuck to the ground for about 5 minutes. Amaya didn't really like it. She hates wearing clothes so she kept on trying to take off her hat. She also kept on saying "Cold" over and over.

February already?

I can't believe it is already February! You can probably tell that I don't have much free time to even update my blog. I think I am going to have to revise my reading list already! I really thought I could read 1 book a week all year long. It is not working out like I planned.

Amaya's separation anxiety is getting worse and worse. It is like she thinks that every time I step out of the room I am going to leave her forever. I had to work 4 nights one week instead of my normal 3 and it really messed with her head or something. I spend 65% of my awake time with her on my lap, 25% with her screaming and trying to climb up my leg because she wants in my lap and just a small 10% with her playing independently. Nap time and sleep time are both spent with her either laying on top of me or right beside me. It is really hard to keep a clean house or cook anything. Anytime I make a move I have to explain to her what I'm doing or where I'm going. I really need to work on when I have to leave her. It breaks my heart to see her cry that hard so I think I make the goodbyes linger too long. I end up almost crying too because of the guilt of leaving her. I read somewhere that separation anxiety can last up to the elementary school age. My poor, sweet kid. I hope she grows out of it before then.

Here are the latest pics. I just realized she had the same shirt she had on last time I post pics.

She now hides every time she poops in her diaper. I caught her hiding at the Children's Museum.


At the Children's Museum again. I was proud of her. She was helping a little boy build a castle. She really enjoyed stacking the big blocks.


The only way I can get her to look at the camera these days is when she is in her car seat.


I found her again hiding and pooping later the same day! Check out her crazy hair when it is not fixed. I'm scared to cut it!

Fun Website

I found a really fun website to play with. You can create a picture based on Shephard Fairey's Barack Obama poster. http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/

Here's the original.


Here's my version.

It is a Great Day in the United States!

What a happy day! I have been counting down to 1/20/09 since George W. Bush was elected in 2004.

As I was watching the Inauguration today I was trying to explain to Amaya why it was very important. We elected our first African American President in our history. There was also a regime change. W will probably go into our history books as the worst President ever! All A would say is "Hi Omama."

I was also reading the comments on BBC and Al Jazeera English and the opinions are pretty much the same as mine. They are hopeful by his message that Obama will be postive to all countries great and small.

Change has come! Woo hoo! Even the White House website makes me happy that it no longer has anything Bush related on there! http://www.whitehouse.gov/

16 Months Old

Amaya turned 16 month old on the 12th. Wow! Time really flies by. She is growing up before my eyes. I am convinced she is 16 months old going on 5!

She really never has been interested in toys for her age. She never played with rattles and hates stuffed animals. I bought her a zoo set of Little People. All the moms of kids her age have been raving about them. They say that their Little Ones love playing with them. She doesn't pay attention at all to them. She would rather look at a video of Youtube about the actual animal and learn facts about them. I guess she takes after her mom's nerdiness. :)

Her days are spent reading all kinds of books (even books without pictures). She is also interested in playing with her baby dolls. She feeds them, talks to them, rocks and puts them to sleep and pushes them around in her stroller. She is also going through this phase where she has to have her sparkly pants on and carry her purse with her everywhere. All that she is missing is a pair of high heels. What a girly girl!

Her other favorite past time is dancing. I swear she is going to be a ballerina or hip hop dancer. Her favorite song is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. She watches that video and she copies the dance moves. It is so cute! We also watch a lot of PBS and they have ballets on there. She likes to copy the ballerinas and turn in a circle and hold her hands up.

Nap times are a pretty hectic time here. She is going through a phase where she doesn't want to take a nap. Usually to get her to sleep, I have to put her on my chest while I am sitting on a recliner. I don't get anything done at all during nap time!

I don't have any new pictures or videos because my rechargeable batteries only last for about 30 seconds and Clint refuses to buy regular batteries.