Christmas

This was the most horrible Christmas I think I have ever had in my life. I had the whole day on Christmas Eve planned. I was going to bake cookies and make a chocolate cheesecake. Earlier that day I had woke up with a slight cough. Around 1:00 pm, I started feeling very nauseous. From that point on I started throwing up and had diaheorra . I had to work on Christmas Eve so I drug Clint and Amaya with me. By 11:00 pm when I had to be at work, I could not walk or stand up without throwing up. Amaya would not go to sleep until after 2:00 am. She was getting super cranky. To make matters worse I got into a fight with a guest at the hotel. He called me and demanded that I bring him a blanket. I explained to him that I wouldn't bring it to him but he could come pick it up at the front desk. That didn't satisfy him. He came down to the desk and wanted to know my name and told me that he played for the Baltimore Ravens and I would be sorry. He then picked up a bunch of cards and threw them at me. He got mad at Clint and then punched him in the face. I called the police and his wife begged me to tell them not to come. She was carrying her 2 year old daughter in her arms and I am a big softy.

Christmas Day was even worse. I couldn't stand up to cook or even watch Amaya open her presents. I was either curled into a ball on the couch or on the bathroom floor. I totally missed my little girl's first Christmas that she could actually open presents by herself. There were no pictures taken at all. She had a Christmas grilled cheese sandwich. There is nothing more guilt wrenching or sad than missing an important event in her life like that. She was making my heart ache because she didn't understand why mommy couldn't pick her up.

Clint did leave a few presents unwrapped under the tree so I could watch her open them. I got to take a picture of her opening her small presents. I missed the big expression when she opened her bigger presents though. :(

I hope everyone else had a Merry Christmas!

Sleep

Sleep is one thing I treasure very much. Someone asked me what I want for Christmas and I replied that I want to sleep all day long.

I made the decision to not work full time in the field that I have my bachelor's degree. I work the lovely 11pm-7am shift on the weekends as an auditor of a hotel so that I can stay at home with my Amaya. Clint doesn't get home from work until 8 or 9 pm. I get to take a one or 2 hour nap before I go to work. Of course Amaya is going through a no nap phase so I don't get to sleep during the day. So in one weekend Friday-Sunday I get between 3-6 hours of sleep total.

By Monday I am a total zombie. It is really hard for me to go back to sleep during normal sleeping hours. My body is in a total trance like state all day on Tuesday because it is confused by the sleep I got. By Thursday night I am finally able to sleep right and my body is back on track. I finally feel great by Friday and I have to go back to work that night.

Sometimes I feel like screaming because I am so tired. I was completely smoke free until I started working the vampire hours. Cigarettes help me stay awake. I have gained 20 lbs since I started working the vampire hours. At 3 am when I am tired and bored I grab a Snickers bar or eat pizza. I really think my body is suffering because of my work hours!

I wonder is staying home with Amaya worth my lack of sleep? Then I think of how smart she is because I get to teach her everyday. I also think about how we have such a great bond because I'm around her all day. Bring on the coffee, Snickers and cigarettes! Amaya is such a great baby. She is worth it!

Look how dang cute she is!