Living with Lilapsophobia

I haven't blogged in a really long time! It has been a busy year. This is the beginning of severe weather season and almost the 2 year anniversary of the tornado that hit my house. It is also the beginning of my crazy anxiety! I've been looking on the Internet for some kind of support group or anything to help my with my severe fear during storms. I finally found the word that I can call my phobia! It is called Lilapsophobia, or a fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

My phobia has completely taken over my life. My uneasiness started last week when I saw the 5 Day Forecast for the weather and saw that there was going to be a thunderstorm this weekend. Every night this week while lying in bed, I thought about the impending doom and destruction coming. I haven't had a full night of sleep in a week. The very first thing I do in the morning is check the weather radar on my phone. If I see any rain activity in the middle of the country I start to panic. I then turn on my computer and open up about 5 different websites for weather information. I also have 4 different Weather Apps on my phone that stay open all day. The worst thing in the world for me is if I see red on the radar. Red is my panic color. I start thinking in my mind that there is going to be a tornado that is going to kill me and my daughter even if the storm is still in Arkansas. I then start preparing my safe room by getting my mattresses,pillows, pillows and weather radio out. This could be hours before a storm even hits. My whole day is consumed by checking the weather radars and watching the weather channel. I feel so bad for my daughter because I can't focus all my attention on her! It makes it even worse when I am home alone. I am usually home all day by myself and my boyfriend has my car all day. So I am trapped at home until he gets there.

It is getting worse since I have increased my use in Twitter and Facebook and other social media. Following @TornadoAlert and @severestudios is probably not the best thing in the world for me. They give a notification of any severe weather or tornado in the country. I was able to follow the path of tornado in MS that killed 10 people through Twitter. People can also post cell phone pictures of funnel clouds and damage in real time. Not good for me at all but I HAVE to know the weather at all times.

When the rain (it doesn't even have to be a storm) almost gets here I really start getting into panic mode. I go outside and look at all the clouds to see which direction they are coming from. That way I can have an idea where a tornado will come from. I start pacing the floors and hyperventilating. Sometimes I think it is the impending storm that freaks me out a lot more than the actual storm. I start looking out every single window if I hear any noise outside at all. When the tornado hit my house in 2008 I was able to look out the window to see it before it hit my house. If there is any wind or lightening at all, you can forget about me being a normal person. I turn into a gooey emotional wreck. My panic attacks are so severe I feel like I am having a heart attack. It is like having an out of body experience because I am not myself.


It is getting so bad that even when it is sunny and I go somewhere I look around for where I would hide in case of a tornado. I won't go into certain buildings if I don't think it is safe for a tornado. I had an episode in K-Mart last year where it was storming really bad and I blacked out. I really don't know what happened! I heard the thunder and wind one minute and the next minute I woke up out of my fog with my boyfriend saying "What are you doing?" I was apparently staring at a toy without moving for a few minutes. I don't want to ever leave my house but I don't want to be in my house either. I just want to crawl into a basement until November when hurricane season is over.

I really either need to get some help or go live in an area where it doesn't rain all the time.