I haven't blogged in a really long time! It has been a busy year. This is the beginning of severe weather season and almost the 2 year anniversary of the tornado that hit my house. It is also the beginning of my crazy anxiety! I've been looking on the Internet for some kind of support group or anything to help my with my severe fear during storms. I finally found the word that I can call my phobia! It is called Lilapsophobia, or a fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
My phobia has completely taken over my life. My uneasiness started last week when I saw the 5 Day Forecast for the weather and saw that there was going to be a thunderstorm this weekend. Every night this week while lying in bed, I thought about the impending doom and destruction coming. I haven't had a full night of sleep in a week. The very first thing I do in the morning is check the weather radar on my phone. If I see any rain activity in the middle of the country I start to panic. I then turn on my computer and open up about 5 different websites for weather information. I also have 4 different Weather Apps on my phone that stay open all day. The worst thing in the world for me is if I see red on the radar. Red is my panic color. I start thinking in my mind that there is going to be a tornado that is going to kill me and my daughter even if the storm is still in Arkansas. I then start preparing my safe room by getting my mattresses,pillows, pillows and weather radio out. This could be hours before a storm even hits. My whole day is consumed by checking the weather radars and watching the weather channel. I feel so bad for my daughter because I can't focus all my attention on her! It makes it even worse when I am home alone. I am usually home all day by myself and my boyfriend has my car all day. So I am trapped at home until he gets there.
It is getting worse since I have increased my use in Twitter and Facebook and other social media. Following @TornadoAlert and @severestudios is probably not the best thing in the world for me. They give a notification of any severe weather or tornado in the country. I was able to follow the path of tornado in MS that killed 10 people through Twitter. People can also post cell phone pictures of funnel clouds and damage in real time. Not good for me at all but I HAVE to know the weather at all times.
When the rain (it doesn't even have to be a storm) almost gets here I really start getting into panic mode. I go outside and look at all the clouds to see which direction they are coming from. That way I can have an idea where a tornado will come from. I start pacing the floors and hyperventilating. Sometimes I think it is the impending storm that freaks me out a lot more than the actual storm. I start looking out every single window if I hear any noise outside at all. When the tornado hit my house in 2008 I was able to look out the window to see it before it hit my house. If there is any wind or lightening at all, you can forget about me being a normal person. I turn into a gooey emotional wreck. My panic attacks are so severe I feel like I am having a heart attack. It is like having an out of body experience because I am not myself.
It is getting so bad that even when it is sunny and I go somewhere I look around for where I would hide in case of a tornado. I won't go into certain buildings if I don't think it is safe for a tornado. I had an episode in K-Mart last year where it was storming really bad and I blacked out. I really don't know what happened! I heard the thunder and wind one minute and the next minute I woke up out of my fog with my boyfriend saying "What are you doing?" I was apparently staring at a toy without moving for a few minutes. I don't want to ever leave my house but I don't want to be in my house either. I just want to crawl into a basement until November when hurricane season is over.
I really either need to get some help or go live in an area where it doesn't rain all the time.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Living with Lilapsophobia
Posted by jillacarter at 4:13 AM
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4 comments:
I know you don't know me, but I wanted to thank you for your post. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with this fear. All the reactions you have, I have as well. I hate it. I don't know how to kick it, and it's really draining, you know? I check the weather at least 5 times a day, and I won't leave the house if I know it will be storming that day. And when they do come, my heart races and I feel like I'm going to vomit. When it's all over, i feel embarassed because of how foolish I acted. I hate driving in storms because I feel enclosed in the car and there's no way out. Wherever I may be, I think of ways to escape just in case there's a tornado. I wish I could just stop. My boyfriend asks me all the time why I can't just calm down, and I can't even begin to explain how I feel. I don't think he'd completely understand, anyway. Anyway, I digress. My main reason for responding to your post is to ask if you've found any kind of online support group for our phobia. I've been searching for awhile now to no avail. If not, maybe we can start one? I'm up for any ideas because I'm tired of being tied down by this phobia. I want to be free.
Oh, by the way, I was unsure how to respond to your post at first, and saw your facebook page. I thought I could message you if I added you as a friend, but it didn't let me. So you may be getting a friend request from someone you have no clue who it is, haha. My apologies.
One last note: I live in Indiana, in a city near Chicago. I can't imagine living in Virginia. I've heard your weather is even crazier than ours!
--Christina
I have been having problems like this since I was 12. I am not scared of rain, but when the wind picks up or there is even a slight chance of severe thunderstorm with hail or tornadoes, I loose it. I constantly check the weather channel which i know does not help but I can't stop it. Its like i want to be absolutely prepared but all it does is keep me in panic mode. I have a 5 year old son and today with all the tornado outbreaks there have been it took everything for me to keep it together. I have been home alone while my husband is working all night and that always makes it worse. I feel alone and panicked. Right now there is a tornado watch in effect until 2 am for my area with strong winds and i am freaking out trying to find ways to manage my anxiety. I hope that you are finding ways to manage yours. I can't wait to have a basement someday..hopefully that would help me. I know it is not healthy to be so panicked about storms, but I don't know what to do. I thought I was the only one who felt this way..i didn't know it was called lilapsophobia.
Hi,
Reading your blog sounded like the story of my life. I watch the weather channel all the time. I even have a blackberry with internet connection so I can look at the radar at any given time. I hate this silly phobia.
Believe it or not my phobia is even worse than yours. If I see a bad storm coming towards my town on the radar I will get in my car and drive to a place where it isn't bad. It's so dangerous I know but I feel this need to run because I can't stand the intense panic when a bad storm comes through. I haven't always been this way. It all started one day when a really bad storm was coming through. I stopped at a convenience store to get out of the storm. While in the store the electricity went off. The store had to lock the doors and not let anyone out. It was the creapiest feeling. Here I was locked in a store with strangers while this awful storm was raging outside. It was the most frightening feeling I have ever had in my life. Ever since this event I have this awful feeling of being trapped in a storm. Hence, the running from storms to avoid ever feeling this way again. This has been going on for about 10 years now. It's a virtual prison. I got so tired of it. I am a Christian woman and I prayed about it. I asked God to show me how to come out of this. He showed me how to start out with small storms. I purposely drove to a city close by my home I knew was having a small storm and sat through it in my car.That first time wasn't easy. I wanted to run so bad! I am slowly desensitizing myself to storms. I have started out small. I am able to sit peacefully in my home now while it rains and even a little wind and lightning. I hope to one day be calm and think positive thoughts when it storms. Of course everyone should be afraid of tornadoes. They can hurt you or kill you. But, I have started to realize the chances of being hit by a tornado in my lifetime. It's the same as winning the lottery! A very low percentage.
I have never known anyone that is afraid of bad weather like I am. I am embarassed to tell anyone. I know they would laugh me to scorn! The feelings of dread and doom are so real and very hard to overcome but I think I can slowly win this "crazy" battle. I didn't get to this place over night and I won't get out of it over night. One storm at a time. Each storm I can sit through without panic inches me forward in this battle. : )
Hi -- I live near Joplin, MO. I developed a severe lilapsophobia last year, and have recently been able to master it. It seems like you may have about as severe of a phobia as I did. I saw a counselor and underwent a desensitization (exposure) therapy program. In January, I created a support group for people like us on Facebook, called the Weather Phobia Support Group of the 4 States. I post a lot of stuff local to MO, AR, OK, and KS, but you might find it helpful to check out out site. Its purpose is to make sure that nobody with a phobia of the weather is ever alone. Best of Luck!! Karin
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