Flynn's Test Results

I got Flynn's test results back.  He is almost low on Iron (whatever that means) but his Prealbumin levels are low.

Since I had to cut dairy out of my diet and I'm a vegetarian she said I have not been giving him enough protein through my breast milk.  I have been eating 50-60 grams of plant based protein a day.  I thought that was plenty.  His doctor suggested that I give him more bottles of formula with rice.  I have told her numerous times that hurts his stomach.  Why do doctors just try and make you feel bad instead of listening to their patients? I just had to hold him for 30 minutes to get him to stop screaming after listening to her advise about formula and cereal. .

The only way I could get her to agree with me to get a GI Test done was to argue with her. She will let me know when his appointment will be at St Michael's Hospital.   Apparently he has to drink some barium and then they X-Ray his GI Tract.

The Arkansas Children's Hospital Growth and Nutrition Department finally called to get my information to schedule an appointment.

Hopefully I can get some answers soon.

Flynn's Health Problems

Flynn has been having a lot of problems in his short little life.  He has major food intolerances through my breast milk.  I can't eat or drink dairy, can't eat cinnamon, citrus fruit, milk chocolate, tomatoes and I think that he is starting to have trouble with gluten.  His little body still can't handle too much formula and rice cereal hurts his tummy. I have tried to makes some baby food for him.  He can eat green beans and bananas with no problem but sweet potatoes are a major no no.  

Basically he has not been gaining weight or getting much taller.  He is 5 months old and only weighs 11 lbs.  His pediatrician is very concerned because he is not on the growth chart for other babies (fat formula fed babies BTW).  We had to get his blood drawn.  They are checking on his thyroid and his electrolyte levels.  Some people have suggested that he might have Cystic Fibrosis since he is always sneezing and coughing with boogers in his nose. Some other diseases that were suggested is Celiac Disease, Pyloric Stenosis, Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) and Type 1 Glycogen Storage Disease.

It has been very stressful for me.  I feel guilty every time he screams because his tummy hurts.  Every food or drink I eat, everyone time he eats and every poop or pee he makes has to be written down on a chart.  I really want some answers.  Is it my fault? I checked with a lactation consultant today and she said that as long as he has 6-8 pee diapers a day then he is getting enough milk from me.  Am I still eating the wrong food for him to gain weight?

I will find out some of the answers on Thursday when we go back to the doctor. They are going to refer Flynn to the Arkansas Children's Hospital Growth and Development Clinic.  That means I have to travel 3 hours for him to go to the doctor now.  :(

Meanwhile, sperm donor dad keeps calling from prison because he needs money for shoes and a tattoo.  He needs the shoes because he plays softball and goes to the gym all day.  FML!

Being Homeless

Not only did Clint do something stupid to land himself in prison but he made us homeless.  We were living in an apartment that was owned by the place he worked.  He was to do the maintenance on the duplexes in exchange for very low rent. On October 7, 2011, that changed everything.  He was arrested at his place of employment and was using their address to commit his crimes.  He got an eviction letter a few weeks later saying that he had to get out of the property due to criminal activity.   :( I was 7 months pregnant when he got the letter.

I spent the next month trying to apply for Section 8 and public housing.  Everything was closed unless you were handicapped. None of the homeless shelters would take us.  Apparently being pregnant and homeless is not a big deal to anyone in the city of Norfolk.  I tried the income based apartments.  Those were still $700/month.  I was about to give birth and didn't know if Clint was going to prison or not.

Luckily they didn't go through the process of eviction legally.  I got to stall the proceeding until January.  Meanwhile I had to pack everything I owned and put in a storage building while huge and pregnant.  The week before my C-Section was the last time in the apartment.

When I got out of the hospital I had no place to go. :( I was in so much pain with a new baby and homeless. My old boss decided I could stay at the hotel I worked at for $250 a week. I just got a tax refund and had just a little money to pay for 2 weeks.

My parents decided that we could move to Arkansas and move in with them.  I had to sell my car and fed ex what little clothes and toys I could afford to send.  I am 32 years old and officially a loser living with my parents.  Every day is heartbreaking to me. My hopes and dreams for my life are gone.  I have nothing.

Update

Things have really changed for me! Flynn was born on January 24, 2012 by C-Section.  He is the most amazing baby boy in the world.    At that time we had no place to live so Amaya, Flynn and I were staying at the hotel I used to work for.

Clint was sentenced to prison on February 2, 2012. He did not believe he would be going to jail (idiot) so he did not prepare for anything.  He left Sugar and some of his clothes and tools in the apartment that we were just evicted from.  I had just had a C-Section so I could not drive.  Poor puppy was stuck in that apartment for 2 days without any water or food.  A rescue organization finally agreed to help me drive my car to get in the apartment to get her out.  It was one of the saddest moments of my life seeing Sugar drive away in a truck never to see her again.  I wish things could have been different. I wish Clint did not get us evicted and I could keep Sugar.  He also made me take care of all the other stuff he should have done before his court date.  He drove his van to court that day because he was very delusional that he would get probation.  The van had to stay in a city parking garage for 2 weeks until I could drive. I also had to get all his tools and clothes that he left behind. This is all while recovering from a C-Section and taking care of a newborn while homeless.

I am very bitter.  My life and children's lives have been ruined by someone's drug addiction. Yes, you can be addicted to the stuff and it is dangerous.  My next blog post will be about my homeless situation and what I had to do about it.  

Finding a Home for Sugar

I've been sad all day. Clint's trial date is coming closer and closer. I still don't know if he will be going to prison on that day or if it will be later. My doctor has moved up my C-Section date to January 24. That will be just 5 days after prison day. My blood pressure is getting too high because of all the stress and I have major edema.

I tried to contact the Norfolk SPCA to see if I could surrender my sweet baby dog. Their waiting list is too long. The person forwarded my information to many Pit Bull Rescue places. I just can't stop crying. It is not fair that I have to find another home for my dog just because Clint is a selfish, greedy ass and decided to be a criminal. There is no possible way for me to take care of an active Pit Bull after a C-Section with a newborn and a 4 year old. We still don't have a place to live and homeless shelters and most motels won't accept the breed.

I need help with my sanity. Someone send me a miracle.

Baby Update

I am 32 weeks pregnant now! Amazing how fast time flies by during your second pregnancy! He is measuring 2 weeks ahead and is already heads down.

Amaya has been calling her baby brother Flynn since she found out he was a boy. Tangled is her favorite movie and Flynn Ryder is one of the main characters. There is also a boy named Flynn on one of the silly Disney shows she watches. I have about decided that his first name will by Flynn. It will be a neat story for later down the road that his big sister named him.

We are still trying to get everything in order before Clint goes to prison. Trying to move all my stuff in storage before we get the final eviction notice. I still can't believe they are going to evict someone who is 8 months pregnant because of something that he did! Totally heartless people! I still have no leads on anywhere to live. It looks like Amaya and I might have to live in a homeless shelter for a little while until we find something. I have so much stress in my life right now that I hope little Flynn doesn't make an early arrival! I'm also trying to buy some cloth diapers because I know it will be a struggle to buy diapers after the birth when I am a single mom with absolutely no child support.

I just have to keep moving on!

Huge Update

Wow! I haven't even been on this site in over a year and a half! There are many things I have to update.

First, I am pregnant again. The due date is January 31, 2012. I am expecting a boy and am totally thrilled about it! He kicks and punches so much more than Amaya ever did and stays on my bladder. I have no names picked out. Amaya insists his name will be Flynn Rider after the guy in her favorite movie Tangled.

Second, I am going to have to change the Carter-Sutton family just to the Carter family. My lovely long termed boyfriend of 6 years got arrested. Apparently he had been receiving packages full of drugs in the mail. The Norfolk PD caught him with 65 pounds of marijuana that he had just had mailed to him from California. I knew he was a drug addict.

He has been smoking weed since he was 12 years old and is 32 now. His habit was what we fought about all the time. I can't stand the smell of weed and he was still smoking around me until my morning sickness almost made me puke on him. He had to quit smoking for a little while so his drug test would be clear and it was the hardest time of my life. Being around a 20 year addict when they do not have the drug is not safe for anyone. The mood swings were severe! One minute he would be punching stuff and screaming at me. The next minute he would be threatening to kill himself or run out of the country. He has been doing this in front of his 4 year old daughter. Once his drug test was clear, I believe he started smoking again. When you are pregnant you have a nose like a bloodhound and I have been smelling it on him! People claim that someone can't become addicted to marijuana and it is harmless. That is very false!!!!

His attorney told him that he would be going to prison right after Christmas and before the baby will be born. That means I have 10 weeks to find out what I'm going to do for the birth. My family lives 1,000+ miles away and couldn't make it to Virginia in time for the birth. I have someone here that can watch Amaya but would have to be in the delivery room by myself. I guess I will have to schedule another C-Section so my parents or brother can be here.

Last, he got us evicted from our apartment. He was having the drugs mailed to his place of employment and that is where the Norfolk PD arrested him. His former employer owns the apartment we live in and they are evicting us. He has somewhere to live but I can't handle being around him anymore. I have to find somewhere for me and Amaya to live before November 30! All the public housing places are not accepting applications anymore so we might just be homeless right before Christmas. I am just devastated that my child will not have a Christmas this year or even somewhere to hang her stocking.

The only place to go when you hit rock bottom is up. Hopefully things will turn around soon!

Living with Lilapsophobia

I haven't blogged in a really long time! It has been a busy year. This is the beginning of severe weather season and almost the 2 year anniversary of the tornado that hit my house. It is also the beginning of my crazy anxiety! I've been looking on the Internet for some kind of support group or anything to help my with my severe fear during storms. I finally found the word that I can call my phobia! It is called Lilapsophobia, or a fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

My phobia has completely taken over my life. My uneasiness started last week when I saw the 5 Day Forecast for the weather and saw that there was going to be a thunderstorm this weekend. Every night this week while lying in bed, I thought about the impending doom and destruction coming. I haven't had a full night of sleep in a week. The very first thing I do in the morning is check the weather radar on my phone. If I see any rain activity in the middle of the country I start to panic. I then turn on my computer and open up about 5 different websites for weather information. I also have 4 different Weather Apps on my phone that stay open all day. The worst thing in the world for me is if I see red on the radar. Red is my panic color. I start thinking in my mind that there is going to be a tornado that is going to kill me and my daughter even if the storm is still in Arkansas. I then start preparing my safe room by getting my mattresses,pillows, pillows and weather radio out. This could be hours before a storm even hits. My whole day is consumed by checking the weather radars and watching the weather channel. I feel so bad for my daughter because I can't focus all my attention on her! It makes it even worse when I am home alone. I am usually home all day by myself and my boyfriend has my car all day. So I am trapped at home until he gets there.

It is getting worse since I have increased my use in Twitter and Facebook and other social media. Following @TornadoAlert and @severestudios is probably not the best thing in the world for me. They give a notification of any severe weather or tornado in the country. I was able to follow the path of tornado in MS that killed 10 people through Twitter. People can also post cell phone pictures of funnel clouds and damage in real time. Not good for me at all but I HAVE to know the weather at all times.

When the rain (it doesn't even have to be a storm) almost gets here I really start getting into panic mode. I go outside and look at all the clouds to see which direction they are coming from. That way I can have an idea where a tornado will come from. I start pacing the floors and hyperventilating. Sometimes I think it is the impending storm that freaks me out a lot more than the actual storm. I start looking out every single window if I hear any noise outside at all. When the tornado hit my house in 2008 I was able to look out the window to see it before it hit my house. If there is any wind or lightening at all, you can forget about me being a normal person. I turn into a gooey emotional wreck. My panic attacks are so severe I feel like I am having a heart attack. It is like having an out of body experience because I am not myself.


It is getting so bad that even when it is sunny and I go somewhere I look around for where I would hide in case of a tornado. I won't go into certain buildings if I don't think it is safe for a tornado. I had an episode in K-Mart last year where it was storming really bad and I blacked out. I really don't know what happened! I heard the thunder and wind one minute and the next minute I woke up out of my fog with my boyfriend saying "What are you doing?" I was apparently staring at a toy without moving for a few minutes. I don't want to ever leave my house but I don't want to be in my house either. I just want to crawl into a basement until November when hurricane season is over.

I really either need to get some help or go live in an area where it doesn't rain all the time.

Snow Day

It actually snowed in Virginia yesterday! I couldn't believe that it actually stuck to the ground. It snowed a little bit last year but it only stuck to the ground for about 5 minutes. Amaya didn't really like it. She hates wearing clothes so she kept on trying to take off her hat. She also kept on saying "Cold" over and over.

February already?

I can't believe it is already February! You can probably tell that I don't have much free time to even update my blog. I think I am going to have to revise my reading list already! I really thought I could read 1 book a week all year long. It is not working out like I planned.

Amaya's separation anxiety is getting worse and worse. It is like she thinks that every time I step out of the room I am going to leave her forever. I had to work 4 nights one week instead of my normal 3 and it really messed with her head or something. I spend 65% of my awake time with her on my lap, 25% with her screaming and trying to climb up my leg because she wants in my lap and just a small 10% with her playing independently. Nap time and sleep time are both spent with her either laying on top of me or right beside me. It is really hard to keep a clean house or cook anything. Anytime I make a move I have to explain to her what I'm doing or where I'm going. I really need to work on when I have to leave her. It breaks my heart to see her cry that hard so I think I make the goodbyes linger too long. I end up almost crying too because of the guilt of leaving her. I read somewhere that separation anxiety can last up to the elementary school age. My poor, sweet kid. I hope she grows out of it before then.

Here are the latest pics. I just realized she had the same shirt she had on last time I post pics.

She now hides every time she poops in her diaper. I caught her hiding at the Children's Museum.


At the Children's Museum again. I was proud of her. She was helping a little boy build a castle. She really enjoyed stacking the big blocks.


The only way I can get her to look at the camera these days is when she is in her car seat.


I found her again hiding and pooping later the same day! Check out her crazy hair when it is not fixed. I'm scared to cut it!

Fun Website

I found a really fun website to play with. You can create a picture based on Shephard Fairey's Barack Obama poster. http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/

Here's the original.


Here's my version.

It is a Great Day in the United States!

What a happy day! I have been counting down to 1/20/09 since George W. Bush was elected in 2004.

As I was watching the Inauguration today I was trying to explain to Amaya why it was very important. We elected our first African American President in our history. There was also a regime change. W will probably go into our history books as the worst President ever! All A would say is "Hi Omama."

I was also reading the comments on BBC and Al Jazeera English and the opinions are pretty much the same as mine. They are hopeful by his message that Obama will be postive to all countries great and small.

Change has come! Woo hoo! Even the White House website makes me happy that it no longer has anything Bush related on there! http://www.whitehouse.gov/

16 Months Old

Amaya turned 16 month old on the 12th. Wow! Time really flies by. She is growing up before my eyes. I am convinced she is 16 months old going on 5!

She really never has been interested in toys for her age. She never played with rattles and hates stuffed animals. I bought her a zoo set of Little People. All the moms of kids her age have been raving about them. They say that their Little Ones love playing with them. She doesn't pay attention at all to them. She would rather look at a video of Youtube about the actual animal and learn facts about them. I guess she takes after her mom's nerdiness. :)

Her days are spent reading all kinds of books (even books without pictures). She is also interested in playing with her baby dolls. She feeds them, talks to them, rocks and puts them to sleep and pushes them around in her stroller. She is also going through this phase where she has to have her sparkly pants on and carry her purse with her everywhere. All that she is missing is a pair of high heels. What a girly girl!

Her other favorite past time is dancing. I swear she is going to be a ballerina or hip hop dancer. Her favorite song is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. She watches that video and she copies the dance moves. It is so cute! We also watch a lot of PBS and they have ballets on there. She likes to copy the ballerinas and turn in a circle and hold her hands up.

Nap times are a pretty hectic time here. She is going through a phase where she doesn't want to take a nap. Usually to get her to sleep, I have to put her on my chest while I am sitting on a recliner. I don't get anything done at all during nap time!

I don't have any new pictures or videos because my rechargeable batteries only last for about 30 seconds and Clint refuses to buy regular batteries.

My Reading List

Another thing that I have decided to do this year is to read 50 classic books. I have read most of these on my list at least once or twice. I feel like my brain is turning to mush the older I get so it needs refreshed.
http://www.listsofbests.com/list/61774/compare/AmayaNSugar

Pictures from Fake Christmas 2008

We saved a few presents for Amaya to open a couple of days after Christmas since I was too sick on actual Christmas. Here's Fake Christmas 2008 and no my child does not like wearing clothes.

2009

I have a lot of goals for 2009. My main goal is to quit smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since I got really sick on Christmas Eve. I figured that I might as well go ahead and try to quit. Quitting cold turkey along with being sick has been a real challenge! My body is majorly screwed up right now! It is going to be really hard for me because the reason I smoke is to cope with my anxiety. It was very windy yesterday and I starting hyperventilating because I didn't have my stress relief.

Another thing I would like to do is lose some weight so I can try to conceive this year. The chances of me being able to have a VBAC increases with me being in shape. I can't bear to have another traumatic C-Section. I really want Amaya to have a playmate close in age to her. My baby fever increases every day because it seems like everyone is pregnant again and my little brother's wife is about to have a baby.

I am hoping that 2009 brings me better luck than it did last year. Hopefully there will be no big storms anywhere and there can finally be peace in Israel and Iraq.

Christmas

This was the most horrible Christmas I think I have ever had in my life. I had the whole day on Christmas Eve planned. I was going to bake cookies and make a chocolate cheesecake. Earlier that day I had woke up with a slight cough. Around 1:00 pm, I started feeling very nauseous. From that point on I started throwing up and had diaheorra . I had to work on Christmas Eve so I drug Clint and Amaya with me. By 11:00 pm when I had to be at work, I could not walk or stand up without throwing up. Amaya would not go to sleep until after 2:00 am. She was getting super cranky. To make matters worse I got into a fight with a guest at the hotel. He called me and demanded that I bring him a blanket. I explained to him that I wouldn't bring it to him but he could come pick it up at the front desk. That didn't satisfy him. He came down to the desk and wanted to know my name and told me that he played for the Baltimore Ravens and I would be sorry. He then picked up a bunch of cards and threw them at me. He got mad at Clint and then punched him in the face. I called the police and his wife begged me to tell them not to come. She was carrying her 2 year old daughter in her arms and I am a big softy.

Christmas Day was even worse. I couldn't stand up to cook or even watch Amaya open her presents. I was either curled into a ball on the couch or on the bathroom floor. I totally missed my little girl's first Christmas that she could actually open presents by herself. There were no pictures taken at all. She had a Christmas grilled cheese sandwich. There is nothing more guilt wrenching or sad than missing an important event in her life like that. She was making my heart ache because she didn't understand why mommy couldn't pick her up.

Clint did leave a few presents unwrapped under the tree so I could watch her open them. I got to take a picture of her opening her small presents. I missed the big expression when she opened her bigger presents though. :(

I hope everyone else had a Merry Christmas!

Sleep

Sleep is one thing I treasure very much. Someone asked me what I want for Christmas and I replied that I want to sleep all day long.

I made the decision to not work full time in the field that I have my bachelor's degree. I work the lovely 11pm-7am shift on the weekends as an auditor of a hotel so that I can stay at home with my Amaya. Clint doesn't get home from work until 8 or 9 pm. I get to take a one or 2 hour nap before I go to work. Of course Amaya is going through a no nap phase so I don't get to sleep during the day. So in one weekend Friday-Sunday I get between 3-6 hours of sleep total.

By Monday I am a total zombie. It is really hard for me to go back to sleep during normal sleeping hours. My body is in a total trance like state all day on Tuesday because it is confused by the sleep I got. By Thursday night I am finally able to sleep right and my body is back on track. I finally feel great by Friday and I have to go back to work that night.

Sometimes I feel like screaming because I am so tired. I was completely smoke free until I started working the vampire hours. Cigarettes help me stay awake. I have gained 20 lbs since I started working the vampire hours. At 3 am when I am tired and bored I grab a Snickers bar or eat pizza. I really think my body is suffering because of my work hours!

I wonder is staying home with Amaya worth my lack of sleep? Then I think of how smart she is because I get to teach her everyday. I also think about how we have such a great bond because I'm around her all day. Bring on the coffee, Snickers and cigarettes! Amaya is such a great baby. She is worth it!

Look how dang cute she is!

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We got to spend 5 days in Arkansas with family and friends. I saw people that I have not seen in over 4 years! Amaya is such a great traveler! As soon as the plane took off she went to sleep and woke up right after the landing. Motion has always made her go to sleep. She really got spoiled the whole trip by her grandparents, aunts and uncles. Everyone was giving us a guilt trip about how we have to move back to Arkansas soon.

Here is a little comparison of Amaya last year at Thanksgiving compared to this year.

Cloth Diaper Giveaway!

Check out this blog and enter for a chance to win free cloth diapers!
http://rollingthroughlooneyville.blogspot.com/2008/11/cloth-diaper-showdown-and-giveaway.html#comments